Day # 2 – Eating out: “I’m sorry to be a pain, but…”

Dear all the Waitresses and Waiters who have had the misfortune of being my server, 

I’m sorry for my indecision. I apologize for sitting there, gormlessly eyeballing the menu as you hover over my shoulder for the fifth time. Like that time in the BobaHouse when I couldn’t decide between vegan shrimp or meat-free pork pho (see image below). My condolences for your voice-box and the energy expended and lost, describing the obscure item on the menu which I ask to hear more about and then end up avoiding anyway. A heartfelt vindication for the time you have spent on my custom, only to be tipped a measly 5% because of my British frugality and my bitter experiences of being a waitress in the UK, translating not to into empathetic generosity, but rather a heightened reluctance to conform to the US tipping norms. 

Thank you for not spitting in my food or at least dignifying your vengeance by suitably concealing it.

Sincerely,

Julia

Food envy. It’s a thing I have and it can be a royal pain in the pin cushion. There are just always so many options on the menu and everything sounds delightful. When dining out, I will do one of three things; ask someone else to decide for me, ‘go last’ and then on my turn to order, request the first item that pops into my head or order the same meal as the company I keep. The latter is the most frequented selection. That way I don’t spend the rest of the evening pretending to maintain eye contact with my companion, but sneakily glaring at their plate and second guessing whether their meal was better/worse than mine. 

But in all seriousness, deciding what to order is a real difficulty for me. So today, when it took me all of 5 seconds to scan a menu and see only 2-3 options I could eat based on TED, I felt this sudden rush of relief. What a change! No faffing about. “Greek salad but substitute the feta for roasted red peppers and the mayo-based dressing with balsamic vinegar/oil. Oh and hold the breadsticks.” Effectively the world’s most boring salad, but quick and simple. Wonderful. 

Yet, even as I was making those requests, I felt my cheeks burning. As per usual, I was asked to repeat my order because the server had spent the first 20 seconds of my monologue admiring my accent in her head, the next 10 seconds proceeding to tell me of her admiration and a further 30 seconds reassuring me that British accents are the most adorable things and British people are just ‘so quaint’. When I did repeat my order, I felt my cheeks burn even more. This waitress must hate me. What a royal pain the arse I must be. She liked my accent but boy she must regret getting lumbered with me. It’s a great thing I had to come inside to make that order. How embarrassing would it be to make all of these awkward requests and inquiries outside, in front of friends… Then I’d have to explain why. I wonder if she’s wondering why… Does she get difficult customers like me very often?

That’s when it dawned on me.

I’ve been lucky enough not to never have any real dietary requirements. Aside from eating a dodgy piece of chicken that one time which sent my stomach into a flurry (it may or may not have been exacerbated by the 5 double whiskey and cokes I’d consumed prior to it and the fact it came out of a burger van), I’ve never had any food-related issues. So when I was stood there, asking for all of these alterations, I felt like I was causing a palaver. But for many people, their dietary restrictions are extremely limiting. I haven’t had to think twice when ordering food. Cheese? Absolutely. Bread? Brown. Nuts? HELL YEAH. This absent mindedness has over time been unintercepted and I’ve become this arrogant foodie, who assumes everyone should eat what they are given. The reality is that I’ve been well and truly spoilt. 

‘Glutendairynutsoyandother-Free’ haven’t always been available. I am imposing a dietary requirement on myself and I have a choice to return back to my previously on-impulse dining experience. But many people live with a dietary restriction every single day. They second-guess their food selection, not because of the aforementioned food envy, but because of the possibly disastrous digestive implications their food choices may lead to. Every food-related decision is a conscious one. 

Lesson learned: This experience was extremely insightful. I have a number of close friends living with dietary restrictions and not once have I felt my accommodation of them a trouble or a chore. Ordering food with my new dietary requirements has certainly shed some light on the experience of conscious and mindful eating. They are making conscious decisions to eat specific to their needs and with the intention of preserving and/or bettering their health. I know that even after TED is over, I will continue to practice reflection, conscious and mindful eating without fear of judgement or shame. I will also never take for granted the liberty I have in my diet options and always try to remain clued up on ‘free from’ alternatives to ensure my cooking is as accommodating to people’s different needs as possible.